I’m moving across the country in under a year…

In under a year…

And tonight it makes me really sad to think about that. The thought of leaving the first solid group of friends I have ever had is messing me up in ways that I can’t even begin to explain. The guilt I feel for leaving my mom alone in Ohio eats at me every day. And I’m pretty sure I’ve become obsessed with finding an apartment awesome enough that it will make me forget what I am leaving behind.

But I don’t think that it will be that easy.
Because these past few years have been the best of my life. I’ve been surrounded by amazing women whom I love to the ends of the earth and am blessed to call my friends, I’ve met the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, and I actual like my mom… There is nothing I want to leave here. In fact I’m pretty sure I may open a checking account just to fly my friends in as much as they will let me…

But this is the next step. God put Austin, TX in our hearts and I know that is where we are supposed to go next. But tonight it hurts really bad. If any of you have words of advice, wisdom, reassurance, if you have experienced a move like this, or have just experienced struggle with something God has laid on your heart, I would greatly appreciated your messages.

I.
Our kiss is a secret handshake, a password.
We love like spies, like bruised prize fighters,
Like children building tree houses.
Our love is serious business.

One look from you and my spine reincarnates as kite string.

When I hesitate to hold your hand,
it is because to know is to be responsible for knowing.

II.
There is no clean way to enter
the heavy machinery of the heart.

Just jagged cutthroat questions.
Just the glitter and blood production.

III.
The truth is this:
My love for you is the only empire
I will ever build.

When it falls,
as all empires do,
my career in empire building will be over.

I will retreat to an island.
I will dabble in the vacation-hut industry.
I will skulk about the private libraries and public parks.

I will fold the clean clothes.
I will wash the dishes.
I will never again dream of having the whole world.

Mindy Nettifee, “This is the Nonsense of Love” (via goodwinmacalister)